Martha Graham: 2015

Yo, it's ur heart,
I want to be happy, and so do you.
Seems almost impossible at the moment though, huh?
It would be nice to not feel this constant hole in the bottom of myself.
But what can I do? It's completely up to you.
You know what you want, and you know what I need.
So get up and chase it, and don't stop until you catch up.

Sunday, November 8, 2015

appreciation post

Backstage

/bak'staāj/

noun

"The area in a theater out of view of the audience, especially in the wings or dressing rooms."

Think about all of the people who assist you backstage.

Not just the people helping out behind the scenes during a performance.

But those who help you throughout your entire life.

Your Mom.

Dad.

Brothers & Sisters.

Grandparents.

Family.

These are they who support, love and encourage you.

The people you can always fall back on.

They stand backstage ready to help you when you fall, change scenes, and succeed.

Appreciate these people while you can.

Give your mom a hug.

Thank your dad.

Tell your siblings that you love them.

Call your Grandparents.

The clock is ticking.

You wont have much longer with these people.

Be grateful for who you have.

Sunday, November 1, 2015

Bottom of the list, bottom of everything.

Not sure if anyone will read this.

I seem to have been forgotten.

Not just in this class, but with everything in life.

Stuff is slowing down but speeding up with great force.

Everything that seemed to matter to me is fading away.

My dreams seem to be further than I thought.

With that, all of the stuff I've dread and avoided is swallowing me whole.

Stress and anger continue to eat away at happiness and peace.

Responsibilities and pain take over freedom and creativity.

I think I'm becoming an adult and I absolutely hate it.

Everything is mediocre.

This school.

This area.

This state.

This county.

hell, even the world.

But you, you are real, you live a life just as vivid as my own.

The Princess Bride is fake, but I still find myself crying every time I watch it.

Why do I find emotion in nothing?

I find my brain fleeting from every thought I have.

It's jumping everywhere & I can't think straight.

Right now i'm writing this, avoiding the two math assignments, mythology homework, and choreography requirements I have.

I could be a genius right now if it weren't for this system.

Why is my knowledge represented by a letter grade?

If I spent my time creating something instead of solving for x, I could've changed the world by now.

But I realize I have no escape now.

No escape from anything really.

No escape from this "education".

No escape from the pressure of this area.

No escape from having to choose a college.

No escape from sorrow.

No escape.
Not even from my own thoughts.

It's all too real for me.

Everything is building and compacting on itself, charging toward me at the speed of sound.

It will hit.

& when it does, I hope I am prepared.

Because right now, I am not.

how 2 pick up chicks

Hello, & welcome to my blog.
Today I am going to teach you how to pick up chicks.
Now as some of you may know, I too am a yung lady.
SO I KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT, 18 YEARS OF EXPERIENCE.
So for all you silly bois out there, LISTEN UP.
& for the ladies, just pretend this is how you pick up boiz.
Here in this simple 6 step program, I am going to show you how simple it is to pick up chicks.

Step 1.
GROW SOME.
All you guys complain about is getting rejected. you boys don't even know what rejection is. If you were to simply walk up to a girl, show a little confidence, and start a conversation. Odds are, that girl is going to be completely taken off guard & immediately become interested in you. so you're already off to a good start if you do this.

Step 2.
FOLLOW HER.
Not home, just her instagram or something. I hate to say it, but this seems to be the new way of flirting. Follow her, & like a pic or two. I guarantee that she will do the same back. If you're not on social media, skip to step 3.

Step 3.
GET THE DIGITS.
Next time you see her, walk up and start a conversation, if it's going good, ask for her number. REMEMBER: always be happy and smile when you're around her.

Step 4.
ASK HER ON A DATE.
Do not just text her and ask to "chill", walk up to that chick and ask her out. Have something planned, go somewhere fun. If she is "or you" not comfortable being alone with you, make it a group date.

Step 5.
REPEAT STEP 4
Keep asking her out, text her often, talk to her during school. keep repeating all of this until you know her well & know you still like her. If you don't like her, BREAK IT OFF. don't try and lead her on. If you're not interested it's best to just back out before you're in too deep.

Step 6.
BOOM
If you've reached this point, she's definitely in to you, so have no fear & tell her how you feel!

*INSERT END QUARTER BUZZER"
Now, if only that's how it worked. But boys these days SUCK. Lets be real here, guys are simply lazy. If y'all were to just put forth a little effort, good things would come from it. So get yo head out ur ays & GO TALK TO A GIRL. Now, for you girls, YOU DO NOT NEED A BOYFRIEND TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF. Having a boyfriend does not make you any more or less of a person. SO CHILL TF OUT YOUR TIME WILL COME EVENTUALLY. thank you 4 ur time.
sincerely,
Martha

Sunday, October 25, 2015

DAUNTED

Dear future self,

I am afraid that you are not who I hoped you to be.
I am nervous that you haven't gone places.
I am worried that you are still stuck in Utah without a chance of traveling.
I am horrified at the possibility that you've changed, & you're not me.
I am scared at the thought that you've finally given up.
I am terrified that you've grown old. Not in person, but in spirit.
Words cannot come to the amount of fear I have of you.
As of now, I don't know where you are in life.
But if you find yourself here. Run.

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

I'm still alive

I have strong bones, and functioning joints.
My muscles are working and my nervous system is still sensitive.
I have blood pumping through my veins, organs to keep me healthy, and skin to protect me.
I have eyes to see, ears to hear, nose to smell, mouth to talk, and hands to touch.
My heart is still beating.
Though I wish sometimes it wasn't.
I'm not sad, I love my life.
But I want to know what it's like to be completely at peace.
To have no worries, no pain, or stress.
I want to feel bliss. I want to be happy no matter any circumstance.
The only way to reach this is death.
And I know that.
That doesn't mean I'm going to cut my life any shorter than what the big man sees fit.
But in the meantime until I reach this point.
Right from this high school nightmare, my dreams will come true.
My life will have meaning.
I won't just drift through life at a desk job.
I'm going to climb tall mountains, run on beaches, and help those around me.
I want to be a hero. I want to be free. I want to be alive.

Sunday, October 11, 2015

skcirb

Bricks.

Bricks build walls.
They create homes & workplaces.
Bricks break Windows.
They destroy toy cars & brain health.

Bricks.

Of all things I could be.
I find myself relating to a brick.
A dense, cold brick.
Kind of like my soul right?
Nah.
On the outside, maybe.

Bricks.

People look at me like I'm a brick.
Like I'm cold, rough and sharp.
That I'm not easily offended or hurt.
Wrong.

Bricks.

But how false they are.
The outside appearance is just a shell.
& the inside never reveals its secrets.
That's how Brick Human Nature goes I suppose.

Sunday, October 4, 2015

love?

WHAT IS IT
Is there possibly a correct definition?
Probably not..

I strongly believe there is nothing that can describe love.

Not saying I would know.

I've never actually been in love.

With a person at least...

BUT!

IF I HAVE ANY IDEA ABOUT WHAT LOVE IS.

THIS IS PROBABLY IT.

These mountains.

I am a mountain noob.

No, I'm not one of those generic hipsters who goes up the canyon for a pic.

But, I have climbed every inch of these things.

The idea of living in nature seems a little too realistic.

Just falling of the face of society into a dense Forrest sounds like a utopia.

Nature is what I know to love.

People are cool, but they suck.

Nostalgic

Things that NEED to come back:

Actual MTV
Lilo and Stitch t.v. show
Intellect
Egg Nog
Norman Reedus
Sharing
Affordable gas
Radiohead
Everlasting childhood
Red lipstick
Ed, Edd & Eddy
Art
Late night I hop runs
Old fashioned Trix
Boys who actually ask on dates
Angels
My ambition
Adolescence
Insane courage
Sanity
A time for myself
Letters
Yellow cars
Intelligence
Nutella
Goats for pets
Little to no cares
Intergalactic space adventures
Zebra Population
Apple sauce
Ribbon candy
Dad
Jump on it
Unity
Star gazing
Tamagotchis
Kid museums
Insanity (good kind)
Door bell ditching
Drake & Josh
Irridesent clothing
New Kid brand
Game Cube
Little shopping carts
Original memes
Lollipops
Guns & Roses
Openness
ABBA
The Walking Dead
Scrapes all over my body from being too hardcore
Fanny packs
Moon shoes
Laser tag

Lol find the hidden message*v*

Sunday, September 27, 2015

human?

hu·man

ˈ(h)yo͞omən/

noun

a human being, especially a person as distinguished

from an animal or (in science fiction) an alien.

cy·borg

ˈsīˌbôrɡ/

noun

a person whose physiological functioning is aided by or dependent upon a mechanical or electronic device

whats the difference here?

It seems that most humans are cyborgs, they keep switching gears.

Kids get together just to disconnect from one another.

this is not how life is meant to be lived.

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO ADVENTURE?

TO BASIC HUMAN INTERACTION?

WHY IS IT THAT PEOPLE ARE MORE COMFORTABLE TO TALKING THROUGH A SCREEN THAN THEY ARE TO AN ACTUAL HUMAN BEING.

Do they actually live?

Or are they just merely existing.

They spend countless hours plugged in, connecting with things they have no connection with.

Do they have dreams?...

Could they even come up with their own memes?

Can they think for themselves?

Or is their view deceived by that device they perceived to be evolutionary.

but what really is the evolution?

the device?

Or the change from a human, to a corporate cyborg.

the pocket assistant!

everything ever imagined.

All in one small rectangular waste.

It only costs your freedom.

enough pls

If it was socially acceptable, I would probably scream 24/7.

But since its not, I will spill my nonsense here.

It's funny how those who you once called your best friends are now faded memories.
Kinda sucks seeing those same kids in the halls everyday, yet they just pass by and pretend i'm not there. But what sucks the most is seeing the friends I do have slowly drift away.
They start doing things without me, they don't reach out to me, and whenever I reach out to them it's always those same stupid excuses.

they act like I don't have feelings, or that I barely even exist.

apparently i'm one of those kids with a heart of stone. According to them I don't get offended, or that I don't care about anything.

False.

sorry, i'm an actual person.

Sorry that i'm sick and tired of waiting around until you want me.

I'm finished with trying to reach out. If you need me I will be in my room playing Pokemon.

Sunday, September 20, 2015

fifty-seven million nine hundred and thirty one thousand two hundred and seven seconds

well, here we are.
an eighth of the way through senior year.
a fifth the way through our lives
about six thousand days we have lived.
and about twenty two thousand more to go.

WHAT WILL WE DO IN THESE DAYS?

WHAT WILL WE CHOOSE TO DO IN OUR PRECIOUS MOMENTS OF EXISTENCE?

why would we want to settle.

why would we get used to anything?

LIVE LIFE.

GO TRAVEL.

WATCH SPARTACUS.

GROW A PEACH TREE AND LIVE UNDER IT.

DO SOMETHING GREAT IN THESE LAST MILLION, TWO HUNDRED & SEVENTY THOUSAND HOURS.

do something.

don't just think about it.

get off yer a44 right now and scream.

I'm asking you to scream.

RIGHT NOW.

1..

2...

3....

SCREAM BECAUSE YOUR'E MAD.

SAD.

HAPPY.

SCREAM BECAUSE OF THAT STUPID THING YOU DID IN THE THIRD GRADE.

SCREAM FOR THAT DOG YOU LOST.

SCREAM EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE SCREAMING.

SCARE YOUR MOM.

stop. you didn't even scream did you?

If you did I applaud you,

mostly because you probably just made yourself look insane.

BUT THAT'S THE FUN OF IT.

BREAK FROM YOUR NORMS, NORMIE.

http://crouton.net/

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……….* #1 FEAR IS CENTIPEDES
WHATS YOURS?
http://goo.gl/n4f3f1

Sunday, September 13, 2015

no direction

literally.
These are quotes from a few of my favorite songs.
Songs that have made me feel something.

The world is a vampire, set to drain,

secret destroyers, hold you up to the flames.

What else should I be? All apologies.

What else could I say? Everyone is gay.

I am not your rolling wheels, I am the highway.

I am not your carpet ride, I am the sky.

Won't let you get me in my dreams like Freddy Kruger.

No i'm not no loser, i'll see you in hell.

At the end of the day, my momma told me don't let no one break me.

Coming up only to hold you under.

Coming up only to show you're wrong.

& to know you is hard, we wonder...

to know you all wrong, we warn.

She lies and shes in love with him, can't find a better man.

She dreams in colors, she dreams in red, can't find a better man.

I never thought i'd die alone.

I laughed the loudest who would've known.

Save tonight, fight the break of dawn, come tomorrow, tomorrow ill be gone.

Hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away.

Hello, I've waited here for you, everlong.

Tonight, I throw myself into,

& out of the red, out of the head she sang...

Am I more than you bargained for yet?

I've been dying to tell you anything you wanna hear cause that's just who I am this week.

I've got another confession to make, I am a fool.

Everyone's got their chains to break, holding you.

Were you born to resist, don't be abused.

Is someone getting the best of you?

I wanna see your pom-poms from the stands, come on, come on.

My fingertips, and my lips, they burn from the cigarettes, Forrest Gump.

Karma Police

Arrest this man, he talks in maths,

he buzzes like a fridge, he's like a detuned radio.

Flip on the tele, wrestle with jimmy,

something is bubbling behind my back.

Bottle is ready to blow.

say it ain't so.

Scar tissue that I wish you saw.

Sarcastic mister know it all.

close your eyes while I kiss you cause'

with birds i'll share,

with birds i'll share this lonely view.

Stranded in this spooky town.

Stoplights are swaying and the phone lines are down.

floors crackling cold,

she took my heart I think she took my soul.

time.

If only this wasn't a thing.

I wish I could've paused in my childhood.
Or rewind and relive certain experiences.

Time is truly painful.

I wish I could've remained a happy nine year old with no worries.

Or an eleven year old that basically lived in trees.

before I knew it, I'm 17 and I don't know where my childhood went, or where my life is going.

but I do know this:

I choose to remain a child,

to remain creative & happy.

That whatever situation I'm in, I will try to make it a positive one.

& I won't let anyone tell me who I am, or what to do with my life.

But most of all, I choose to be human.

an ACTUAL human, not just someone who falls in a routine of events.

I will remain a creative person, for the creative adult is the child who survived.

God speed, lol.

Monday, September 7, 2015

eu·phor·ia

/yo͞oˈfôrēə/

noun

a feeling or state of intense excitement and happiness.

What does it take to be immensely euphoric?

Is it something simple like finding a toy in your cereal box?

Or seeing your favorite band live for the first time?

Possibly it's that very first kiss you've been waiting to have with someone.

Or finding out that your best friend survived surgery.

Maybe it's realizing that you passed a test you were certain you failed.

Or achieving something you thought was un-reachable.

Are these bursts of joy worth all of the pain we go through to reach them?

Or are these the results of struggles that make us human.

Sunday, September 6, 2015

2:43pm

At this time, all of my fears came back to me.
The sleepless nights & over thinking would continue on.

The fear that my parents would spit, and my world would be forever changed.
Coming home to them sitting together in the same room was strange enough.

But what they told me was worse.

So I put on a happy face & pretend it's all ok..
I put on a hat that doesn't fit.
& I won't let anyone know about it.

"Do it for your sister"
But I can barley do it for myself.

Sunday, August 30, 2015

say something

Can I say something?

Something about myself?
Something about how I constantly try to better myself as a human, but never seem to get it?

Something about our school?
About how hard some try to 'become one', when others don't care until its too late?

Something about our Nation?
About how our rights are becoming more, and more limited? About how blinded we are to what is going on outside of our American bubble?

Should I say something about our World?
About the thousands of children that die DAILY from hunger? About how our world has never seen peace?

Can I say something about you?
You are what you love, not who loves you.

Martha Graham

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

FILM FEST INSCEST

Sunday, December 13, 2015

YO SUSAN

Trapped for now.

Sunday, November 29, 2015

yoyo

Sunday, November 22, 2015

food for the soul

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Ur heart

Sunday, November 8, 2015

appreciation post

Sunday, November 1, 2015

Bottom of the list, bottom of everything.

how 2 pick up chicks

Sunday, October 25, 2015

DAUNTED

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

I'm still alive

Sunday, October 11, 2015

skcirb

Sunday, October 4, 2015

love?

Nostalgic

Sunday, September 27, 2015

human?

enough pls

Sunday, September 20, 2015

fifty-seven million nine hundred and thirty one thousand two hundred and seven seconds

Sunday, September 13, 2015

no direction

time.

Monday, September 7, 2015

eu·phor·ia

Sunday, September 6, 2015

2:43pm

Sunday, August 30, 2015

say something